I really don’t know what to make of this idle chat, which features a discussion of dealing Nic Batum, Steve Blake and Greg Oden for Tony Parker. Are you kidding me? Is it April Fool’s Day again already? Is somebody trying to punk me here?

Yeah, I know — it’s supposed to be three guys sitting on a park bench idly chattering. It’s one of those “would you trade . . .” kind of deals rather than a prediction of something that could ever actually happen. But come on, this is the kind of nonsense that would get you laughed out of your favorite barber shop. It’s a non-starter of a topic even in that venue. It reminds me a little of the silly “Who would you rather be, Superman or Batman?” arguments we used to have in sixth grade.

So you’re saying that the Blazers — who still have Jermaine O’Neal nightmares every time they consider trading the likes of Travis Outlaw or Sergio Rodriguez — are going to let go of Nic Batum and Greg Oden, together, at this point of their careers?

Nope. Especially not for a guy who is going to be a free agent in a year. I cannot imagine handing Batum and Oden to Gregg Popovich and then watching him turn those guys into multi-year all-stars.

Besides, I’m still the guy out here believing that someday Oden is going to turn into the XXL version of Dwight Howard.

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Greg Popovich has rested Tim Duncan on the second of back-to-back games often this year, but probably won’t do so tonight. Duncan went only 33 minutes last night in the Spurs’ win over Oklahoma City so he should have something in the tank for tonight.

If San Antonio can win, I believe it pretty much locks Portland out of the top half of the Western Conference bracket. With tough home games against the Lakers and Nuggets (unless the seedings are all settled and the Nuggets take it easy next week), the Blazers will have their hands full improving their positioning without winning this one.

Isn’t a game like this — second of back-to-backs for both teams, late in the season — an example of a case when having a young, deep team should pay off a little? Hard for me to imagine that Duncan and Tony Parker and some of the other San Antonio graybeards can be very fresh tonight.

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It’s a 5 o’clock start. Just saying that because Sundays have been all over the place with start times. No Talkin’ Ball, either, because the game’s not on Comcast Sportsnet (you have to wait until Wednesday, after the Indiana game).

I can’t wait to see which Blazer players scold their teammates after Tony Parker weaves his way through all five of them for a wide-open layup.

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I’ve been saying for months now that Portland’s defensive problems are systemic in nature and a lot of people have trouble understanding what I’m talking about. They want to blame it on youth, inexperience or just a lack of talented individual defenders.

I hope they were watching the Spurs dismantle the Blazers last night.

It’s not as if San Antonio is laden with defensive stalwarts. The Spurs’ best defender is Bruce Bowen and he’s nowhere near what he once was and more of a bit player these days. The rest of their players, particularly with Tim Duncan out of the lineup, are not defenders. But San Antonio has a great defensive system in place that allows its players to maximize their ability to guard any team in the league.

It’s how all the good teams play defense in the NBA.

For several seasons, the Spurs have thrived with the philosophy of defending three-point field goals and the basket area, but allowing teams to take long two-pointers. They provide great help, too, on penetrations. Brandon Roy couldn’t find an easy shot all night — no matter how many people he beat off the dribble, someone else stepped in on him.

Meanwhile, Wednesday night, the Blazers were allowing open threes and penetration all night long. Tony Parker shot a dead-cold, wide-open layup with about three minutes to play in the game. Help was always a second late on Parker. There just doesn’t seem to be an understanding of responsibility at the defensive end for the Blazers.

You can beat the Clippers and the Timberwolves and the Grizzlies and a lot of other NBA teams playing the way Portland plays. But you can’t consistently beat the good teams unless you have a better plan and execution of what you want to do.

You think Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge and Steve Blake and Joel Przybilla and Nic Batum can’t defend better than the aging journeymen in San Antonio uniforms Wednesday night? I believe they can.

Instead, you get confused looks as Portland players look around trying to figure out what to do. Hey, if you aren’t able to stop Parker’s penetration with late-arriving help, stay home on the shooters! Don’t give Matt Bonner, one of the best three-point shooters in basketball, wide-open looks with the game on the line. Parker didn’t kill the Blazers, all those other guys did. And they feasted on a lot of open shots.

Hey, nobody in the league can stop Tony Parker one-on-one. Forget about it. Impossible. But his defender should know which direction to force him and where the help will come from. And the help should force him to give up the ball or at least force up a shot under duress. You think that’s impossible? Well, then you didn’t watch the Spurs defend Roy.

It was all there on the floor for anyone to see Wednesday night. And for Blazer fans, it wasn’t a pretty sight.

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Some random opening-night observations from a packed, and VERY loud Rose Garden:

• It’s almost always better to be lucky than good. The Blazers were pretty good Friday night, but they were lucky, too. You know, a great shooter like Michael Finley isn’t very often going to miss that easy little shot from the right side with the game on the line. And the Spurs aren’t going to shoot 55.9 percent from the floor, 56.3 percent from 3-point range and 93.3 percent from the line and lose very often, either.
• On the other hand, when you win the rebound battle 37-31 and have just six turnovers, you won’t lose often, either — and that’s what the Blazers did.
• Earth Wind and Fire played ONE song prior to the game and that was it. Granted, that group isn’t as hot as it was a couple of decades ago but still — that must have been a very expensive song. But, of course, there’s no salary cap on pre-game entertainment. Just think — if this team ever gets really good, it might just bring the Rolling Stones in for one song on opening night.
• On a night when you’re going to try to have a “red out” — all the fans wearing red shirts — it would be a good idea to hand out red T-shirts at the door. Let somebody put an ad on the back or something to pay for them, but it would redden things up a bit because a lot of people just didn’t get the message Friday night.
• Nicholas Batum HAS to play. He’s one of the best defenders on the team as a 19-year-old and has a real knack at the offensive end of making the proper decisions. You have to play him just to see how good he can be. I’m thinking now, he could be REAL good.
• Tony Parker cannot be stopped. But he needs to stop crying to the referees. He’s too good to act like such a baby.
• As the Blazers mature as a team, they’re doing a great job of not getting involved in any of that junk with referees. It’s going to get them a few calls along the way somewhere.
• Joel Przybilla on the floor for Portland’s final offensive possession? What was that about? If he even touches the ball, they’re going to foul him — and it looks, at least for the time being, he’s reverting back to previous free-throw troubles.
• Brandon Roy was Brandon Roy again. He fills up the stat sheet and at times, completely controls the game. He’s a maestro when it comes to tempo.
• I had no idea this guy Roger Mason is so good. Maybe he isn’t. But he was sensational Friday night.
• Mark this down. Fast break points: Spurs 2, Trail Blazers 14. You will not see the Blazers have seven times as many fast-break points as their opponents for the rest of your time on the planet.

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