The Oregonian had a story today wrapping up all the things our legislature did to us this last session. And I’m not going to whine about them throwing a tax on my kayak, either — which seems to me very stupid.

Now I know it’s not popular to fight this whole cell-phone ban thing in cars, but when is somebody going to say how ridiculous it is? You’re going to ban hand-held cell phones? OK, but let’s be fair.

Let’s ban people eating their dinner at 55 miles per hour in cars. Drinking scalding hot coffee in cars. Reaching over into the back seat and slapping their two kids and their dog in cars. Applying makeup in their cars. Picking their nose in their car. Seriously — why is it I can do anything I want to do with my hands in the driver’s seat of my car except hold my cell phone?

Now don’t tell me it isn’t just the act of holding the phone, it’s the distraction of the conversation. Bull. Then why allow hands-free conversations — either on the phone or with others? Why not just put a cone of silence around all drivers? Yank all those radios out, too.

You can tell me all you want about all the accidents cell phones have caused. I’ll counter by telling you that people distracted by cell phone use will still crash into your cars because they’ll be distracted by something else.

And now, talking on their hands-free phone, they’ll have room in their hands for a cup of hot java, the morning paper, a couple of toothpicks and a jelly doughnut. Oh, and they’ll be reaching into the back seat to slap that screaming three-year-old silly. That would all be perfectly legal.

Great. Now all this means is I’ve got to go out and find some expensive earpiece/microphone/bluetooth gadget for my phone that affects the quality of the call and distracts me even more than the original conversation did.

Fools.

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