Just a sniff of what a gas it is to be in the Trail Blazer locker room
Sometimes what goes on Behind the Locker Room Door should stay there:
As he is answering, Webster is squealing across the way. Blake has passed gas and Webster is calling him out.
“And he stood up to do it!” Webster laughs.
Roy joins in.
“Hey, farts need oxygen,” Roy says, imitating the motion.
It makes Roy remember a game earlier this season – he thinks it was San Antonio – when Blake dropped a bomb as the team was headed out for the opening tip. The deed was delivered at the area on the sideline where players wipe their feet on a sticky pad to make their sneakers more tacky.
“I went up to that sticky pad, and oh man, I was about to pass right out,” Roy said in his unique tone, which includes saying the last two words real quick, almost together.
Blake grins proudly at the memory.
I said it couldn’t have been any worse than Zach Randolph, who was notorious for brutal, practice-stopping gas. The players disagreed.
The title for worst ever, they say, can only be held by Raef LaFrentz.
“No, no. That’s gotta be Raef,” Aldridge said. “And he be like, ‘Yep. That’s me. Right here. Thank you. That’s me.’” All the while, Aldridge is imitating Raef by holding his hand above his head, pointing at himself.
Blake concurs, saying that Raef is the only guy who ever cleared the entire middle section of Blazer One.
“Oh man,” Roy says, his face crinkling at the memory. “I be about to jump out of that plane that day.”
Congratulations to my pal, Jason Quick, for today’s example of what separates “Internet journalism” from the print kind. (And for the best Brandon Roy quote of the season: “Hey, farts need oxygen.” I am, though, at a loss to explain what sort of “motion” Roy was imitating.)
Blogs, NBA, Trail Blazers | Dwight Jaynes | April 9, 2009
Behind the Locker Room Door, Brandon Roy, Dwight Jaynes, farts, Jason Quick, Martell Webster, Portland Trail Blazers, Raef LaFrentz, Steve Blake
Sometimes the smell of success is not so sweet…
If it was Mike Barrett reporting he would have said that the Blazers farts smelled like roses while complaining that they didn’t get a foul call.
When are farts funny……….?
Always!
I guess I’m on the other side of the opinion here as I cringe when I read articles of this ilk from Quick. I’m beginning to understand why Rasheed hates this guy. To rehash these off the cuff remarks verbatim is embarrassing to the players and the fans. I don’t want the players I root for to be a part of anymore insipid Jason Quick stories. I’m sure this incident was funny if one was “there,” but it sure comes off lame to read it like this. I’m sitting here imagining Quick licking the nib of his favorite quill as he gets ready to jot down B-Roys unique grammar. Bah humbug,I don’t like it. Quick must be stopped! I’ve actually stopped reading the ,Behind the stories, as they’re invariably abysmal as was the one featured here. Thanks for sneaking one in on me Mr. Jaynes.
Dwight, your post had me laughing out loud at my desk! I needed that this morning.
Maybe I am alone here, but I love the Jason Quick “locker-room door” articles. I know, I know, I’m crazy… but the formulaic game recaps and the tired halftime PR spots don’t really tell me much about the team that I don’t already know.
I don’t CARE that the team met with season ticket holders and everyone had fun. It wastes my time and I would rather watch Haarlow bat her eyes at the Blazers for an extra 5 minutes.
Yes, I didn’t NEED to know about the team’s farting, but it was moderately funny and shines a light on a new team perspective you probably hadn’t considered before. Not an intellectual one, but a new perspetive nonetheless…
Am I really in the minority? Do most fans feel comortable in their static coccoon tired and re-hashed media? Perhaps, but part of me thinks I am not.
I liked the article. It shows they’re loose and comfortable around each other which is so important to team chemistry (no pun intended). I grew up with 3 brothers. I could tell stories like that for hours and the finger pointing and laughing would never stop.
“Congratulations to my pal, Jason Quick, for today’s example of what separates “Internet journalism” from the print kind. (And for the best Brandon Roy quote of the season: “Hey, farts need oxygen.” I am, though, at a loss to explain what sort of “motion” Roy was imitating.)”
The only thing that separates ink from virtual ink is access. It sure ain’t quality (see canzano).
Print is dead.
I’m with you Colin, I think this series is the best thing Jason Quick has ever come up with. I look forward to reading this article more than any other after a Blazers game. Win or lose, this series is pure gold.
I’ve found Quick’s Locker Room series to be pretty interesting in general. I’m less concerned about the ‘flatulence follies’ than his apparent need to insert himself into the reports of late. Nonetheless, Quick and D-James are the Blazer must-reads right now. As for Rebecca H., she seems like a knowledgable reporter and likable enough. However, her soundbites and interviews offer very little insight. To be fair, she is somewhat dependent on the cliche-ridden (or otherwise uninteresting) responses of those being interviewed. Sideline “reporting” seems like a role that hasn’t ever served any useful purpose to the viewer anyways, so I adjusted my expectations accordingly years ago.
Oops – I meant D-Jaynes of course. My bad.
Since the state of sports journalism is so stagnant, I find these stories to be the most enlightening bits I’ve ever read about the team. Every game recap is just the same words with different numbers. These really let us get to know that the Blazers are real people with personalities beyond the 15 second postgame quote. What Quick is doing really reminds me of reality TV, except it’s a reality TV show I’d actually like to watch. Hopefully someone picks up on this and we get some Behind the Locker Room on the TV.
You don’t say….. Jesus Dwight it makes me miss you, which I even ventured to put in print, before it was ridiculed and edited by the weird rainbow crowd who seems to be Jason Quick’s new cult following….. Lord, fart stories and shower tales, it has become a goofy mix of Oz and the Red Neck Comedy Tour.
Gotta love the hard core journalistic objective perspective too, eh? The dumb fool admits in print how hard it is to decide what is ‘off the record’ as opposed to publishable…..
Ummm, okay. Right. You are a God Damn Journalist, but not anymore… Quick has made the sudden, and queer, jump to Blazers PR man, with all the insight of fart stories, scoops of an ‘un-named’ cock fighting solution, and glistening bodies whooping it up exiting the showers…..
While that squashed, beaty eyed lizard Canzano speaks in toungues like a retard beaten with a brick…. Okay that’s going a bit far, after all the Special Olympics Comittee has declared a no ‘R’ word campaign, linking it to ugly southern connotations, but after all I am the Official Beat Reporter for the Albuquerque Special Olympics and the athletes have started a movement to put the ‘Tard’ back in the re….. but it’s irrelevant at this point…..
Jesus Dwight, I hate you and your years of Soccer Abuse in this great Soccer City… Many times I have had Grand thoughts about stabbing you with a rusted steak knife Peters refuses to through away, or merely beat you to death with a book from Coswells library; but on these ugly nights filled with foolish gibberish and queer thoughts from journalists who sob uncontrollably on Sam Adam’s soft shoulder….. Well, just missing your your right handed back slap and brutal honesty…
And we got our soccer team, and you are getting a new base ball stadium for a worthless team with no fan support to play in; but I gurantee Dwight, and you may have ugly ulcers and loose your last hair, but Civic Stadium is, and will be, the finest Soccer Stadium on the West Coast….
best luck with the fish,
mahalo
They don’t call it “rip city” for nothing.
Dwight… why do you hate Jason Quick so much? Or is it that you hate “internet journalism” or whatever? If you hate internet journalism, why do you do it? If you hate J. Quick, why? Are you jealous that he has done a better job as a beat reporter than you did? Sometimes, I just don’t understand your smackdowns.
Sophia — I don’t hate Jason at all. I love the guy. Don’t hate internet journalism, either. I am one. Hell, if I hated everyone who did a better job than me I’d hate a lot of people. I just thought it was funny stuff. Smackdown? Come on — If I wanted to smack someone down I’d do it a lot more harsher than that. It was for fun, Sophia — a joke. Satire. If you can’t have fun with a story about farts, what can you have fun with?
– Dwight